This is something I posted on my personal Facebook page, two years ago today, and felt was worth sharing with the world at large, because hey… something to think about when interacting with autistic folks in your life (or in general).
If you ever want to call me out for being not autistic enough to understand what “real” autism is like OR as someone – whom I considered a friend until tonight – called it “the variety of autism that poops its pants…. or are you? if you do poop your pants I will still be your friend”… please know what the f–k you’re talking about. And don’t ever be so disrespectful as to ask me what I will tell my child if they want to kill themselves or why I would want an autistic child.
Unless you are the person I am procreating with, that is none of your f–king business or your concern. If you were my friend, you 1. wouldn’t send me such a message privately 2. wouldn’t question my neurology 3. would notice that I’m already stressed as f–k this week so privately asking me disrespectful questions in a highly disrespectful manner probably isn’t the best idea if you don’t want to trigger my anxiety even worse than it already is.
Or hey, maybe you do. Maybe you want to see just how bad I get in shut down mode… or as this person put it when describing their “clinically autistic friends” (OH HEY, that’s ME!) “living in dysfunctional isolated hells” and being “too bitter to hide it”… huh. Like I’ve never been there? Like I’m not on the brink of being back there?
NONE OF YOU know just where I am psychologically or psychiatrically right now. NONE.
I am not inclined to share with you details. I don’t like people worrying about me. Especially my mom. And again… NONE OF YOUR F–KING BUSINESS. But if you are my friends, trust me when I say I am NOT in a good place right now. I am trying my hardest to remedy that and do have a plan of action, but don’t you ever dare question my neurology or how it affects my daily life. The vast majority of you do not see me daily or even weekly. Hell, most of you see me once a month if that. Why? BECAUSE I AM A SOLITARY CREATURE OF HABIT AND YOU ALL ANNOY ME. I love you but social interaction drains the ever living hell out of me and when I’m struggling with depression and/or anxiety more than usual, it makes it even worse and I just want to hide all the time.
So next time any of you want to know how autistic I am, here’s a guide:
Are YOU autistic?
Answer: I’m more autistic than you.
Answer: Neat, we’re both autistic and you probably get just how frustrated I am by this situation <3
I also feel like sharing it because during the course of recently ending things with the person I had been dating for a couple months, he texted this:
“The whole autism thing, i don’t really buy, you’re just quirky, which is cool, you don’t need to self diagnose yourself with a disorder.”
Except… I’m not self-diagnosed and he knew it. He’d seen me break down due to anxiety. He’d seen more than just quirks. But he was one of those self-absorbed people who made everything about them and wasn’t all that observant when it came to others. He was also just looking for excuses to end things and coming up with any exaggerated nonsense he could think of (including attempting to say I didn’t start ZombieWalk:SanDiego… which, eh… pretty well documented that I did start it a decade it ago and still run it to this day)
Questioning people’s diagnoses (or any established fact they share with you) is a form of gaslighting, which is a form of emotional abuse. Don’t engage in it. Questioning HOW autistic someone is shows that you have no idea what you’re talking about when it comes to autism. That’s not how autism works.